Uys Clan

It is 9pm and I am in my hotel room.Still in pain.Agony is a better word.To make matters worse my injury has also now spread.My tong has been harmed beyond repair and now my behind (beyond and behind – William Wordsworth eat your heart out) is acting up or down or not at all.

Being a resident of Braveheart’s country (Scotland is part of the UK and the prime minister is Scottish so I can claim residency of Scotland and any way I am in pain so do not argue with me) I though let me follow the advice from old Julius – “When in Rome – and all that shi..” so off I went to capture Cantina Mexicana, to be precise “La Rancherita”.And before you all jump to conclusions – it is not a whorehouse and I don’t have the clap.It is a “fine” Mexican restaurant.

So let me tell you about my hideous injury.

It all started with the tortilla chips and the dip served with it – when they asked me if it is to hot I said no it is actually quit mild.This was taken as a grave insult and a declaration of war.I then order some Burritos a la Diabla (for all you ignorant people back home – Diabla is Spanish for Devil!!).O holy sh.. (this is exactly what is currently wrong with my behind) – it was served with a side order of peppers.Well since I regularly buy bottled Jalapeno peppers when I make wraps I though this I will enjoy.

Well for the record – there is a MAJOR difference between Jalapeno and Habanero.I put one (yes it was little whole chillies) in my mouth.CARDIAC arrest – my heart rate shoot up to 500 beats per second – my eyes popped out – I could not see – I could not breath – and I definitely could not talk – my survival instinct was all that saved me – downed my beer – downed my glass of Pepsi – crawled over the table to the bowl of guacamole and allow me to say – even while the valley of darkness was opening in front of me I still could appreciate the fact that this was indeed very good guacamole – the avocado was the star of the show – not overpowered by too much tomatoes and cilantro (O for G… sake – it is coriander – you Philistines of culinary knowledge) – and THEN!!I took a bite of the burrito.I now know what it must have been at Chernobyl.One small nuclear device went off in my mouth.The good news was that the pain from the Habanera was now wiped out – so was my tong, any feeling still left in my body – any dandruff that I may have had – my stomach lining disappeared in one nanosecond – the other diners though I am a gymnast – why else would I be doing summersaults? – my hair turned into an Afro style – it was as if I’ve gurgled pure Napalm.

This is what great food is all about – I am an addict – can’t wait for tomorrow – I am going back and this time around will ask for extra chilli in my Burrito.

Viva Mexicana.

Ps.Can only imagine what senorita Rancherita must have been like.